Here are a couple of weekend highlights in the spirit of TTDPHX you might enjoy. First, we have the strangely popular 26th Annual Chandler Chamber Ostrich Festival, which runs today through Sunday. The schedule is packed with ostrich races, water balls (heh balls), women with chainsaws, and the Rhinestone Roper. 2 pm today through 11 pm Sunday, $10 to $21.
For those of you that fear the avian flu, perhaps you would enjoy the North American Cricket Championship 2014. I don’t completely understand what this is, but I think they release a shit ton of crickets and you get to smash them with huge paddles. Whatevs, I’m in… I hate those little bastards. The tournament runs today through Sunday at Nichols Park Basin.
Trope-ridden auteurrrrr Wes Anderson has a new movie out this week, and we at TTDPHX have an early hot take from, of all people, my dog:
For you humans, the review is ‘a distant look full of sadness, boredom and, somehow, hope’. See it (or any of his movies) and tell her she is wrong. You can’t. Maybe go see some art in person this weekend instead? Sounds good. Trust my dog, she knows things.
So is Seas Will Rise a rad hardcore band or a dialed-in music blog? Because two weeks ago they turned me on to Godhunter and their new release, City of Dust. Then yesterday they tweeted about another r a d hardcore band, Lilith, and I coulnd’t ignore work fast enough to log in to Paypal and buy their brand new five-track, Bloom.
The powerful lyrics, the anger, the crushing. the screaming. It’s so good. And it’s a dollar. Give them more than a dollar.
I say all this to tell you Lilith is playing tonight at Fiftyonewest with Run With The Hunted, Seizures, and Kashyyk. Like the flyer says, 7 pm, $7. Sorry I’m not familiar with the other bands, but if Lilith is any indication, it’s going to be a good show.
There are a lot of stereotypes about erm, uh…dancers. People think they are ditzy, trashy, wild girls and quite honestly, that is frequently true. But we here at TTDPHX have found some that are just interesting people, with crazy stories as a result of the non-traditional workplace and the unique situations that arise. I spoke for a little bit with someone we will call ‘B’ to protect the secret of her (most likely fake) personal identity. This may be slightly paraphrased due to the fact I can’t take notes in strip clubs.
TTDPHX: Hey, what did that dude throw on stage before he left? Was it a business card?
B: [Holds up two tickets, and motions to them like a Price Is Right Girl] These are actually spring training tickets!
TTDPHX: Isn’t that kind of weird?
B: Not really, he is a regular. He always gives me tickets for stuff, he does some sort of promotions stuff or something. The movie theater that has a bar, Suns games, stuff like that. One time I went to see cage fighting, which was like ‘uhh, sure, I guess!’.
TTDPHX: Huh, I guess I never thought about that. Do you get other weird shit for tips?
B: I would say the weirdest was a guy who bought me a Coach keychain that I guess was like, really expensive. I don’t really care about that stuff, but then I got all excited thinking he was going to give me a car hahaha.
TTDPHX: A car would be a BIT much. Unless it was like, some old car he got super cheap I guess.
B: Yeah, but I don’t want that! I got a nice car! These gangster dudes used to sell drugs here a few years ago and they would throw dollars on stage that were rolled real tight and they had little bumps of coke in them. I think? I wouldn’t do it because who knows what those creeps are giving you, hahaha. I mean, coke isn’t like weed, you can look at weed and be like ‘yup, that’s weed!’. Those dudes could’ve been giving us anything. Didn’t stop some girls though. I also have had guys try to ‘tip’ by offering to take me out to dinner, and trust me, almost none of these girls will do that. Work is work, so even if you are cool [gesturing at me, because, duh, I'm fucking cool as hell, bro], you gotta keep that shit separate. Besides, the guys who want to take you out are never the ones that seem cool anyway hahaha its always the creep who you worry is gonna like, kidnap you!
TTDPHX: Sounds fair. I mean, I’ve already got a wife, I definitely don’t have the time or money OR want to be taking you BOTH to dinner. Like you said, you have to keep that shit seperate hahaha!
Phoenix isn’t known for much outside of here, but a trend that actually is cool, rather than embarrassing, is the urban re-use that has been hitting in the past 5-10 years. When you drive down 7th st or Ave, you are surrounded by former homes turned bars, boutiques, restaurants and other goodies. Further downtown there are more of these, one of which is the repurposed 1940s-era department store, Hanny’s.
The type of place that’s a little bit swanky, but still affordable and quirky, Hanny’s has a fantastic selection of classy cocktails, sandwiches that are high quality without wrecking your wallet (My favorite, the amazing porcetta with a side of wispy, crispy onion straws, rings in at $10 and change), decent pizza and an array of other apps. But this isn’t a food review.
Apparently, at some point in between the halcyon days of the American boom that birthed it in the 1940s and the rebirth as the cool spot w hot ladies, slick dudes and second floor DJ booth in recent years the place fell a bit out of repair. Then it was, and I quote, ‘repeatedly set on fire for three years’ as part of firefighting exercises when it was bought in shambles by the City Of Phoenix. Apparently this caused some legends of varying degrees of acuity to brew. That stairwell you see above you is flanked by bizarre (and rad!) statues on the outer sides, and you descend into…something. The basement, prime real estate that could easily be a new revenue stream, is essentially empty. There is a gaggle of seemingly forgotten bikes, stood up with no humans to ride them. A disembodied door frame sits in the middle of the room, no longer serving a purpose. To me, a door with no walls attached in an eerie room always evokes the supernatural, traveling between the unseen. But most importantly, in this basement of a respectable establishment, is this awful nightmare:
Its horrifying. Did something truly happen here? Is something still there, begging you to walk through its door? Is there a reason this area is caged off, unable to be explored? You tell me. I debated even including the picture because I don’t feel it does justice to this Parliament Of Unloved Doll Women, but in the end, I had to. I was a little too scared to leave them out. So go on, get a nice buzz on, and descend that staircase for yourself.